July 29, 2011
Welcome to my crappy life. I haven't really ranted since the whole break up thing...but this is a rant...about my horrible life. Enjoy I guess.
So I've been thinking...I haven't been that honest...no one knows the true me...or well the dark side of me. Everyone sees the nice, easy going, quiet me...but no one knows the angry, spiteful, side of myself. It's odd...that part of me only comes out when I'm sad/upset/angry. That side of me isn't pretty... I'll just play Call Of Duty to relieve my stress and anger..or maybe go fishing if that's available and cool down. But I never do anything drastic, because well...that's just not me. Or maybe I'll just write. Or maybe I'll just write down my feelings, maybe. Maybe I'm just being a typical teenager...or maybe I have a problem...I don't know. i don't care anymore. I typically hide my feelings anyway...choke back those tears, become a mute so I don't say what's really on my mind, kill a few nazis on COD...I don't like emotions...they suck. So I don't emote really. I just...suck it up and get over it. Well not get over it really...I have it pushed in the back of my mind...pondering on it.
Why is my life screwed up? Oh well...my life story isn't a pretty one. It sucks actually. Pure, tee, sucks. Basically, a relative of mine who was supposed to be a very loving person...ended up blaming family issues on my birth. My existence caused all their family issues. Eff you mean relative. Eff you and your crazy, idiotic, lunatic self. Eff you for screwing my life up for the rest of my life.
I've had some weird dreams that have involved myself dying. Each time, I was pretty young. No older than twenty. It doesn't really scare me as much as it used to...I believe the first dream I actually remember that involved my death was when I was eleven or so and dreamed I was in a car on the interstate and the driver lost control of the car and it drove over the bridge and into the river...and we drowned. True story, that was my dream.
I've had too many near death accidents in my short life...I guess that's why death doesn't scare me that much...I've had about 5 or maybe even 10 near death accidents. One involving a train and the others with 18 wheelers and cars...OH...and one in a pool when I was five, I almost drowned. I've also almost died when I was born so I guess include that as well...and there was the time I was given the wrong medicine as a child that was meant for adults...and the time I almost choked on a fry when I was two...dang. Maybe I've had near 20 near death experiences...dang..... Cheating death? Final Destination much? o.O
I don't know...I'm just in a really crappy mood, had a crappy day, and just overall not feeling up to par. My head hurts...I need some advil or something...I wish I had some...but then again I don't trust advil, it tastes weird.
But anyway, maybe this rant is done. Maybe not. I could probably write a whole lot more, but it's 1:30 in the morning...and I'm tired and have camp tomorrow...and all. but yeah. FML. Eff my life, it sucks.
Trade? D:
I believe our generation is going to do something great one day...but until then...
Anyway, keep your lights burning~ I wish mine would burn brighter...but I'm afraid my light is out for now...maybe Saturday I'll be better...probably not though. Pray for me~ I'll pray for you~ :)
*~KayKay
PS, my doggy died yesterday :( So I'm sad about that ;( She was a beautiful blonde cocker spaniel named Sunni...called Sunni Bunni most the times. She will be missed~! *~R.I.P Sunni Bunni~* Muah!
PPS, next blog post, I will make it happier~ I just needed to let all that out...keeping it bottled up any longer would have killedd me...
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